Opinion: Confidence After Puberty

Growing up, I used to exude confidence effortlessly. In elementary, I would be the first one up to the podium to MC at talent shows, assemblies and general events. My indomitable childhood spirit shined bright and indignant. 

And then puberty came around.

As I ventured into adolescence, with excessive sweat and anxiety, my heightened self-awareness gradually eroded my once unshakeable confidence. Suddenly, I found myself second-guessing every move I made and feeling the weight of others’ judgement pressing down on me. It seemed as though my voice had been muted, lost amidst the clamor of doubt and insecurity. 

For many of us, the journey through adolescence can be tumultuous, marked by periods of self-doubt and uncertainty. The transition from childhood to adulthood is accompanied by a heightened awareness of how we are perceived by others, leading to a decline in self-esteem. It’s during these formative years that we must learn to navigate the murky waters of self-doubt and reclaim our sense of confidence. 

I felt trapped in my new age, and didn’t learn how to speak up and speak out for a long time. It’s only now, finally as a university student that I’ve been regaining my mojo and putting myself out there like my younger self did without hesitation. But how did I do it? 

Control. Your. Perception.

Of yourself and others.

1. Don’t let your ego trip you up.

This was a tough one and I’m still practicing this skill everyday. It’s easy to get caught up seeking validation from external sources, but true confidence stems from within. 

One thing that completely changed the game for me was examining my fear of judgement from another perspective: it’s egoistic to assume that you are so incredibly important to everybody that you meet that they take the time to break apart your appearance, actions, and habits in the few minutes that you encounter them! 

Walk with me here. 

Most people are truly only concerned with their own lives where they are the main character. Just like you should be the main character in your life. So why is it that you, as a side character to other people, think that your appearance takes center stage enough for them to form these brutal opinions of you based on seconds of interaction? How important do you think you are, that you are so sure that somebody is absolutely taking time out of their day to tear you down? 

This point-of-view truly changed my life and the way I interact with others. Think, can you remember in detail half of the people you’ve met in the last five years? No? Exactly. Keep that in mind.

2. You aren’t a mind reader.

Did you know you can’t read people’s minds? Isn’t that crazy? So how is it you just know they were judging your outfit? Or thought your makeup looked bad? Or thought your voice was weird? 

Aren’t those… your own thoughts? 

Yeah, that’s what I thought. 

You will always be your own biggest critic, and often, it’s easier to use other people as a scapegoat for your own negative self-talk. 

“No, I do love myself, it’s just the way they were looking at me, I know they thought my hair–“ you don’t know anything about what that person was thinking. You assumed, based on your own negative perception about yourself. 

Negative self-talk, characterized by self-criticism and doubt, is detrimental to your mental health. Constantly berating yourself fosters feelings of inadequacy and stress, hindering resilience. It can lead to anxiety and depression, ultimately sabotaging personal growth. Overcoming it requires mindfulness and self-compassion, challenging negative beliefs with positive affirmations.

3. This is your first life.

Finally, remember, this is your first time living. You’ve never done this before. No matter how many books you read, documentaries you’ve watched, or courses you have taken, perfection is not attainable because that would require oversight that our finite human existence does not have. 

And that’s okay. 

Have you seen those dystopian future movies? Imagine everything being robotic, orderly and perfect. Or like that one episode when Squidward finally got to live in Squidville full time and almost lost his mind with boredom?

Yeah, scrap that. 

Remember that nothing is the end of the world. Not a bad hair day, or not being perfectly shaved, or messing up a bit on your presentation, or laughing a bit too loud in that one cozy cafe. 

Each misstep is an opportunity for growth and learning. By embracing life with resilience and determination, we can overcome self-doubt and reclaim our identities, strengths, and faults with renewed confidence. So, next time you find yourself grappling with self-doubt, remember these words of wisdom: you should matter the most to you until the actual end of the world.